Movie Quotes With Medieval Content

or swordplay, swashbuckling. or whatever.

Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Sue: Mick, give him your wallet.
Mick: What for?
Sue: He's got a knife.
Mick (brandishing his own weapon): That's not a knife. This is a knife.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

King: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent! [Air guitar]
King: Execute them!
Bill, Ted: Bogus.

The Lion in Winter (1968)

Prince John: A knife! He's got a knife!
Eleanor of Aquitaine: Of course he has a knife, he always has a knife, we all have knives! It's 1183 and we're all barbarians!

Aladdin (1992)

Guard: He's got a sword.
Razoul: You idiots. We've all got swords.

The Princess Bride (1987)

Grandfather[reading aloud]: "Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the dread pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered,--"
Grandson: Murdered by pirates is good....

Inigo: I was eleven years old. When I was a-strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing, so the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Inigo: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Westley): You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
Inigo: Begin.

Inigo: You are using Bonetti's defense against me, uh?
Dread Pirate Roberts: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.
Dread Pirate Roberts: Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels Capo Ferro, don't you?
Inigo: Unless the enemy hasn't studied his Agrippa, which I have! [pause] You are wonderful!
Dread Pirate Roberts: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Dread Pirate Roberts: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know.
Dread Pirate Roberts: And what is that?
Inigo: I am not left-handed. [Moves his sword to his right hand]
Dread Pirate Roberts: You're amazing!
Inigo: I ought to be after twenty years.
Dread Pirate Roberts: There is something I ought to tell you.
Inigo: Tell me.
Dread Pirate Roberts: I'm not left-handed either. [Moves his sword to his right hand and regains his advantage]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
(of course)

Mortician [with cart of bodies]: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead!

Arthur: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move for no man.
: So be it! Hah! [parry thrust]
[Arthur chops the Black Knight's left arm off]
: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't.
: Well, what's that then?
Black Knight: I've had worse.
: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on you pansy! Hah! [parry, thrust]
[ Arthur chops the Black Knight's right arm off]
Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
Bedevere [sceptically]: A newt?
Villager #3 [quietly]: I got better.
French Guard: 'Allo! Who is zis?
Arthur: It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Who's castle is this?
French Guard: This is the castle of my master, Guido Wommer!
Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
French Guard: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?
Arthur: What?
Galahad: He says they've already got one!
Arthur: Are you sure he's got one?
French Guard: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a. [to fellow guard] I told him we already got one)

Arthur: Where could we find this cave, O Tim?
Tim the Enchanter: Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.

[In front of the cave guarded by fierce rabbit]
: I'm warning you!
Robin: What's he do, nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
The Mask of Zorro (1998)

Don Diego de la Vega [indicating sword]: Do you know how to use that thing?
Alejandro Murrieta: Yes! The pointy end goes into the other man.

Not a quote, but "Coolest Move Ever" in a pirate movie: I think it was either either Erroll Flynn or Douglas Fairbanks Sr. (can't recall movie title either) who gets trapped by the bad guys at the end of a spar above the mainsail on a ship. He jumps off and sticks his cutlass into the sail, edge down, and slides down to the deck with only the blade ripping through the canvas to slow his fall.

Finally, not a movie quote, but a poem I had once memorized for school.

Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee

Ho, for the Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee!
He was as wicked as wicked could be,
But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see!
The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

His conscience, of course, was as black as a bat,
But he had a floppety plume on his hat
And when he went walking it jiggled - like that!
The plume of the Pirate Dowdee.

His coat it was handsome and cut with a slash,
And often as ever he twirled his mustache
Deep down in the ocean the mermaids went splash,
Because of Don Durk of Dowdee.

Moreover, Dowdee had a purple tattoo,
And struck in his belt where he buckled it through
Were a dagger, a dirk, and a squizzamaroo,
For fierce was the Pirate Dowdee.

So feaful he was he would shoot at a puff,
And always at sea when the weather grew rough
He drank from a bottle and wrote on his cuff,
Did Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

Oh, he had a cutlass that swung at his thigh
And he had a parrot called Pepperkin Pye,
And a zigzaggy scar at the end of his eye
Had Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

He kept in a cavern, this buccaneer bold,
A curious chest that was covered with mould,
And all of his pockets were jingly with gold!
Oh jing! went the gold of Dowdee.

His consience, of course it was crook'd like a squash,
But both of his boots made a slickery slosh,
And he went throught the world with a wonderful swash,
Did Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

It's true he was wicked as wicked could be,
His sins they outnumbered a hundred and three,
But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see,
The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

- Mildred Plew Meigs

Hew of Kilraag -Medieval Stuff